Tour
8th July 2006

Whilst several of the touring Ploughmen headed towards London to indulge in some “league” cricket, the true professionals arrived at Kempsford’s quaint little cricket ground, handily placed behind a pub, ready for some serious drinking … err … cricket.  Following a heavy night on the ale for several of the team, it has to be said that no-one was displaying too much energy.

Armed with a respectable array of supporters, PCC took to the field and attempted to restrict the efforts of the opposition batsmen.  The outfield seemed surprisingly slow, and this meant that the unfortunate fielders had to chase every shot.  With Harry and Spence opening the bowling, Kempsford got off to a steady start. 

Harry soon got in amongst the wickets, clean bowling Strange for 9 before getting the fast scoring Bond the same way shortly after.  A third wicket, also clean bowled, soon followed and Harry was looking at cleaning up the entire Kempsford team.  A decidedly ropey looking N’Dave replaced Spence and somehow managed to get through ten overs without leaving the contents of his stomach on the square and picked up two wickets for his efforts.  He did seem slightly aggrieved, however, that one decision was overturned when a batsmen was given out lbw incorrectly and the Ploughmen, ever the advocates of fair play, called him back.

Si Wilkinson, fresh from a cracking one handed ball over the shoulder catch, proved that, like all true Yorkshiremen, his performance never suffers after several pints of ale by wheeling through nine overs for just 12 runs and a well-deserved wicket through good field placement and a sharp catch by Anthony Williams.

Paul Peters was the last bowler used by questions must be asked of his captaincy as he took two wickets, both clean bowled, including the number three, Tranter, who had looked to stick around whilst others played the shots.  With Harry also on three wickets, another would mean no pay out on the most wickets bets, but Harry’s hopes that the bookies would clean up were dashed when O’Hara was clearly troubled by seeing multiple balls and missed a dolly chance.  Kempsford declared soon after and the score of 156 for nine seemed a gettable target.

Tea was then served in the garden shed and a few of the Ploughmen took the opportunity for a cheeky jar of ale whilst contemplating the overs ahead.  By this stage a considerable crowd had amassed, partly motivated by the presence of Big Ben Brown at the ground, partly because London was just too damn far to travel for a match but mainly because the ground was next to a pub.

The PCC innings started with Gledhill and Lane heading to the middle.  Pat saw out the opening over, clearly intent on playing a watchful innings.  Laney was clearly much more intent on winning the match inside ten overs.  Having looked in good touch with a couple of good shots, Laney clearly became distracted by someone rummaging through his Esky and his next big shot fell short of the boundary to be caught for 7, which was the entire PCC total at this stage!

Having been polishing his impressive sword for several minutes, Jacko was finally able to take his much-vaunted bat to the middle.  This was the bat that could tear a new hole in the fabric of time were it to be used incorrectly.  Fortunately, no such problems occurred, as Jacko elected not to use his bat and came back without troubling the scorers.  Pat was still unbeaten on nought.

Spence went to the middle and stuck around long enough for Pat to get off the mark and the Plough were on the move again.  At this point, Spence realised that the aristocratic Chas was the next man in and the quandary as to whether he could bat with one of such high born nature lead to a moment of indecision and another clean bowled duck for the Ploughmen.

Supported by Her Ladyship, Tory, Chas went to join Pat in the middle with the Ploughmen in a bit of trouble, but this was no time for panic.  Chas and Pat set about steadying the ship, Chas clearly keen to give those darn Kempsford boys a bit of a bashing.  Having looked set for a steady innings, Pat was clean bowled on twelve and the PCC were still in a bit of a tight spot.  Chas went on unphased, continuing to spank the ball like it was a badly behaved schoolgirl.

The Fonz went to bat and suddenly things were looking a bit cooler.  Unfortunately, having looked in great touch and hit a very crowd pleasing four, Mrs Fonz was prompted to declare love for the great one.  Having not heard such utterings since Fox stopped making Joanie loves Chachi, Ace was caught out on 10.

Next up was Adrian Williams, who provided further useful support for Chas as he continued to make the runs, Tory quivering with excitement as her Lord and Master proved he had stamina to go along side his masterful swordsmanship.  The wicket of Williams soon fell, and O’Hara went to join Chas in the middle.  No sooner had these two set about making some runs than Chas finally tried to spank something that wasn’t sitting up and he was out for a well made fourty.  This was probably for the best as Tory was clearly in danger of sliding out of her seat in awe, so masterful and dominant was Chas’ display.

Harry soon came and went for the third duck of the innings to leave Paul Peters to join O’Hara and bat out the innings.  A respectable 24 had been added to the score when Peters was bolwed around his bat on 10 and Yorkshire was left to bat out the last five balls.  Fortunately Yorkshire survived both the balls and Spence’s threat to give anything out lbw where possible and PCC took a draw from the match.  Ales were then shared all round and the men of the Plough were even happier when it transpired that only two of the Kempsford side weren’t driving and that the jars purchased for the opposition needed a good home.

J O'H