11 Ploughmen found themselves (*cue music ?) playing down in Morden at a primary school… seemingly wanted by Dooz .

Sean & Big Ang have already scoped out the pitch by the time I arrive. "You’ll like bowling on here… …minefield", Angus tells me. The oppo reckon the pitch is pretty good and regular scores of ~200 this season support this. Mixed reviews for the pitch but everyone agrees that the hard and dry outfield will fly.

Old Ruts have even provided an umpire - a lovely bloke by the name of John, who was good throughout the day.

The boys enter the chageroom to get ready for our customary warm up… and exiting to shock to find the oppo playing our new warm up game. And if that’s not weird enough, they then follow straight into the rest of our routine - they’re even opening the gate and FEEDING THE CHICKENS! What am I seeing?! I was sure that was our thing. Have they watched us warmup us on FrogBox? Does their skipper follow the same fitness influencers as Duray? Is it a LinkedIn trend? We are all slightly befuddled.

After losing the toss the Plough are told to get out there and field, much to the chagrin of a few who were hoping to largely avoid the hottest part of the day. But not the opening bowlers who are raring to go…. though it must be said that Ritik’s excitement for a well earned First XI debut is slightly tempered by his having arrived straight from night shift 10 minutes ago - and he has the panda eyes to prove it!

The bowlers start well and have their lefty knicking off in the first over. Everyone hears it except the man who matters. When asked what the noise was, batsman looks stands frozen with fear, desperately trying to avoid any sort of eye contact. He’s seen the Prince Andrew BBC Newsnight interview and is determined that silence is a much better option than trying to mount any sort of a defence.

Lucky for the Plough it’s not costly as he’s out in the same fashion a couple overs later. Profuse thanks for dismissing the lefty - everyone hates swapping over in the field - but at least there’s no sightscreens to fiddle with here.

2 wickets fall in the opening spell. Ritik looked ever dangerous and was unlucky not to get one, but we know pressure builds from both ends.

Barron comes on at first change and has near immediate impact. Plough’s Mr Fix It breaks the budding 3rd wicket partnership with a clean bowled, before grabbing a 2nd one thanks to a sharp caught behind from George “The Fox” Stanley who’d just moved up to the the stumps.

Dooz is on and looks dangerous at the other end. He then introduces Tunnacliffe into the attack. Back for his first 1s game of the season, George settles in instantly. He controls those middle overs beautifully, as he did much of last season, with his excellent subtle variations, changes of pace, control and guile. He has a prescience at the bowling crease and Old Euts want none of it, as Tuna takes wickets at regular intervals to finish 4/21 (with a close shout at for 5th). Even casually slips in the fact that he’s had a cheeky 14km warm up run that morning. At least his run up’s short.

One such wicket coming to a James Barron outfield, steaming in off the boundary, that no one thought he’d get to. Outrageous, but not even his best catch of the season.

The Plough lads are doing well to keep the energy up in the field, even when Old Ruts look to be mounting a bit of a comeback. Max Gumpert’s excellent words of encouragement, “CRS is the oldest player on the team and look at him chasing everything out here” sure to rouse different feelings in everyone. CRS shortly responds by hitting the umpire with an errant throw — he was obviously totally unprepared for the rare site of a bit of CRS in-swing on the throw, wearing it straight in the leg but taking it in good spirits.

Max then into the attack bowling tight and looking threatening, gets out their keeper who everyone agrees was their danger man. He later remarks that he was the only batsman not clapped and welcomed to the crease. I hope this didn’t spur him on.

Dooz sneaks back on get the number 11 again, and Old Ruts all out for 151 in the penultimate over.

We definitely look the happier of the 2 teams at the break. The outfield is hard and fast, the pitch looks pretty good. The oppo look flat about their batting performance. Advantage Plough at the tea break.

The “Northern Boys” Stanley and Harold are feeling smothered by the heat and sweating bullets. A far cry from their upbringing - presumably more comfortable in the 10° weather that a saw Greg Willis walking a t-shirt in last month while I wore 4 layers.

Chicken & pesto sandwiches and fresh fruit go down a treat at tea. Though the lack of actual team mean a few Plough are short of caffeine as Barron finds himself on a coffee run — he really does do it all!

The older lad from the oppo tells me “Well bowled… but the only thing I could have improved upon was not wearing those black socks”. I let him know what while I first happenstanced into wearing them, it’s now become a tradition… “and I enjoy that it annoys the right kind of people” I wryly grin at him.

The chase commences with the young of oppo quick. 1st ball to McGurn short, slow, dross, pulled for 4. The lads might have had thoughts of an easy chase, but the bowler immediately snaps out of it, doubles his pace and is suddenly looking dangerous.

Big Ang Osbourne begins his knock with a couple of 4s the in the 2nd over, before a couple more from Super Sean in the 3rd over, including a glorious upper cut over backwards point. The Plough are dealing exclusively in boundaries.

The suddenly Angus is gone in the 5th over to a sharp c&b from a straight pull shot - the young bowler did well to compose himself and grab it on the 2nd attempt.

Canello is in and batting in a jumper, “to let the oppo know I’m not sweating”. Nice. He has to absorb a lot of pressure from the young quick who is bowling very well to the left-hander and piling up the maidens.

Old Ruts to spin in the 10th over, and McGurn is shortly smashing to pulls to the boundary

The Plough manage to dig in at one end, while scoring from the other as the 50 comes up in the 12th over with an EEEENORMOUS 6 over long on of the spinner.

While Sean was taking a liking to their spinner, Leo’s tough examination was continuing at the other end. Reading the game situation he was to see their dangerman off.

Sean’s 50 is up in the over before the 15 over drinks break - more frequent due to the hot weather - with the Plough rehydrating at 74/1.

McGurn continued to onslaught after drinks, with Canelo now getting in on it too with a sumptuous straight drive worm burner off the spinner.

Plough race to 100/1 and the game looks as if it could be over soon.

But there’s often a hiccup in the chase and as Leo goes, he’s closely followed by caught on the cow corner boundary going for one too many.

Everyone is amused as they bring the field in close for Harold (got that one wrong).

James Barron in at 5 is off the mark with a beautiful cut short first ball. Meanwhile Harry Edmonds usually bottom handed pull draw intrigue from the opposition fielders. “He must do a lot of wanking” one of them asserts to me. Harry looks as destructive as ever before hauling out to the same kid on the fence as McGurn did. Plough now 126/4.

The wobble is seemingly offset by calming presence of Barron at the crease. He murmurs that we need to stop throwing our wickets away. He play late, watchfully and patiently, determined to wait for the right ball to put away. Before, of course, he too hauls out to the exact same bloke (in the exact same spot) as as McGurn and Edmonds. The only lad within miles. He’s having a day of it and Old Ruts can’t believe their luck.

But luckily we have Max Gumpert there with his trademark box sock - which I was earlier informed has NEVER been washed. The things that box has must seen. Boy now it must have sentience and smell to rival Nibbler’s adopted DSG towel.

Sensing that our bats weren’t looking to take big risks, the game became a bit of an arm-wrestle with good tight bowling from the oppo. Either side waiting for something to give to give.

It does when Max is ajudged lbw to the wily old seamer. 135/6 now. 17 to to win, but it’s starting to feel further away. Bowlers suddenly having to find their whites, put the sweaty socks back on, and start padding up

Their good opening quick is back into the attack now. He quickly knocks off Stanley, before then getting our skipper, Dooz spooning one straight up in same over. He trudges off. Helmet LAUNCHED, destroyed, and straight into to bin. That green lid never really sat well with me anyways. Lookimg forward to the re-kit in any glorious shade of Plough blue.

147/8 now. 5 to win, we we are absolutely packing it on the sidelines. All of us except for #10 Ritik it seems. The man is still awake and has to borrow kit, but we walks out there with a quietly confident nonchalance. Or maybe it’s just fatigue. I don’t know.

Tunnacliffe calls a mid-pitch conversation where he says to Ritik “one ball left in the over, nothing silly, just leave it to me”. This is followed by a wry Ritik smirk that perhaps foreshadowed a man with different ideas.

“He told me he was going to ramp first ball” someone says on the sideline. Surely not.

The young quick who had menaced us all arvo steams in and what do you know - Ritk is shuffling accords his stumps and makes contact - scooping him first ball for 4 to level the scores.

The lads can’t help but laugh! But it’s not that hyena laugh you often hear at cricket. There’s much more disbelief in it than that. All anyone can say and think is ‘the absolute balls on that man!’

Tunna hit one over fine leg next over for the 2 wicket win. No loud cheering or hooting you’d typically find from such a tight win. Mostly relief… some disbelief, maybe a hint of embarrassment, lots of circumspection.

Our chasing hasn’t been as clinical as we’d like this season, but how’d we let it get to this. That said, wins aren’t supposed to be easy and it’s still great to be taking home 20 points, along with some lessons for the future.

Even the shower is a bit of a struggle today. It’s my first mixed team shower experiences. There’s only 5 spaces, and most shower heads are set to scalding hot or disappointingly cold. Duray is straight into the scaling hot, maybe feeling today he deserves the pain, trying to absolve himself of sins.

It must be said the match was played in very good spirits, and as such the Rutlish guys have us back to their clubhouse it’s glorious. Gumpert is instantly infatuated with the big screen that’s displaying all of their team’s weekend lineups. His mind instantly floats to the Fantasy Cricket potential of such an instalment at the DSG. Real BBC Final Score vibes.

It’s a lovely setting. The are vibes are pleasant, the oppo friendly - their skip even shouting is a jug. We enjoy a quiet few before heading our various ways. Week off from the league coming up with the Cyprus tour, so we can come back to it refreshed.

Match report from Chris Roden-Smith