We arrived to find some weird sport being played next to the Hollies before our game. There were men in striped shirts, shouting at each other and kicking a really big but soft cricket ball around. Kind of like Shubman kicking Dawson away but on 5x speed. Barron informed me it was called football. It looked rubbish, so we ignored it and went about our pre-game routines.

Duray, sticking to form, lost the toss - muppet.

After the usual warm ups and Barron-led fielding drills, Tunnacliffe started the game his shirt inside out - muppet.

Umar’s shirt meanwhile looked like a crinkled newspaper - muppet. “Would it kill you to run an iron over it?” many a Ploughman chirped.

It was left to the returning Lonnen and stand-in opener Dom to start. Lonnen disposed of the young left-handed opening batsman in his second over, the ball chipped straight into Baron’s Buckets at cover. His first spell of five overs conceded just eight runs, all with the jumper very much still on.

Azza came into the attack and did his thing, taking a wicket with his 5th ball as the other opener was caught behind by a nonchalant Leon Parks.

From the other end, Dom bowled his 9 straight through, finishing with figures of 9-2-19-2. The first victim was trapped on the crease and plumb leg before; the second could only slice the ball to Lonnen at point. However, Lonnen forgot how to perform this trick two balls later when one the Ruts no.6 sliced his second ball his way - the ball hitting the turf to deny a double-wicket maiden. True to form, Lonnen grumbled to himself for the remainder of the day about it.

Aman Jain replaced Azza and peppered the batsmen with climbing, heavy length deliveries and refused to give runs away. His first four overs conceded just five runs. He was unbelievably unlucky to come away wicketless from his spell, finishing with unjust figures of 9-3-25-0 with at least 20 deliveries flying past the outside edge by too far to give the waiting cordon anything to snaffle.

Tunnacliffe took up the spinning mantle after Dom’s spell and delivered more of the same, conceding just seven runs from his first four overs. This pressure proved too much for the Ruts no.5, who was deceived in the flight and bowled through the gate. His first spell of seven overs returned figures of 1-23. He later delivered his final two overs in the closing stages, with ruthlessly effective pace variation as he finished 9-1-37-1. It was claimed this was 50th Plough wicket, and the stats team later confirmed this to be true. Massive congrats Tunna - great bloke, great rig.

Speaking of great rigs… As sixth bowlers go, James Barron is not a bad one. With his astonishing figures of 6/29 against Wimbledon still in the memory of local goldfish, he wasn’t quite the wayward part-timer the batters were desperately hoping for. The channel was bustling with leather-bound cork traffic which the Ruts middle order struggled to connect with. He eventually prised out what would be the final Plough wicket of the day, dismissing leg stump clattering towards fine leg with a satisfying clunk for his 49th Plough scalp. Think Simon Jones to Michael Clarke, 2005. However, he was later disrespected by the Ruts’ middle order anchor, who reverse scooped him over short third man down to the 35-yard boundary.

The Old Ruts finished their 45 overs on a dubious 157-6, which our resident numerical enthusiasts Barron and Tunnacliffe concluding they had only scored 155 with two rogue extras thrown in. Alas, 158 was the target as the Plough set about the 50 shades of delectable beige on offer at tea.

The new opening partnership theme continued, with Max and Umar striding to the crease. However, the author was not there to witness this as he and Barron were experiencing the delicious coffee offerings of Dulwich Village.

The Max opening experiment ended in frustration as he placed a low full toss from their left arm spinner into the hands of mid off. Leo looked solid and was certainly batting in AB’s “box” before he edged behind for 7, and Lonnen wore some bouncers before being caught for a resilient 9. Duray moments later chipped one back to the bowler for 11, bringing Dom to the crease with the required rate climbing and a partnership needed. Some nudging and nurdling kept the score ticking over but some boundaries were needed to bring the rate down. The Old Ruts skipper brought himself on for a fateful over, Dom dispatching some loose deliveries down the ground. Meanwhile, Umar played the traditional anchor role, while he struggled for boundaries he accumulated 51 off 138 before being trapped lbw. Thanks Umar.

The boundaries continued to flow, intersected with scrambled singles, and the Plough got home with 5 balls to spare, Dom and Tunnacliffe the not out men. The 20 points were a welcome relief after some frustrating losses, and the showers were predictably excellent.

AOB:
- Significant slander towards left-handed players throughout the day.
- Dom describing himself as “not a bowler” is now starting to irk Duray as he battles having 9 middle order batsmen every week.
- It was agreed that France, and especially Paris, is a massive toilet.

Plough On!

Match report from Dom Scott