I’ll start this report with a summary of three things that Dom Scott described as “woke nonsense”:

1. James Barron’s falafel wrap
2. Football being played on the Hollies in July, delaying the start of the game until 12:30
3. Rhubarb-flavoured Squashies

The last of these provoked the observation that “this country has gone in the bin”. Lonnen quickly reminded him that this country was built on a foundation of rhubarb and custard.

Football-induced late start aside, the Plough arrived on time and in good spirits. The Hollies looked dry, dusty and, reassuringly, a lot like the Hollies, with the 30-yard circle encroaching on the straight boundary. Captain for the day Chris Roden-Smith lost the toss, and the Plough took to the field.

The opening ten-over spell from CRS and Qammar was excellent. Both challenged the batters on a difficult, two-paced wicket and beat the edge several times, but the breakthrough refused to come.

We turned to Aman and Dom Scott at first change, and the pair produced a game-changing, unbroken spell of 18 overs. Dom wheeled away with consistency and skill, challenging both edges, while Aman bowled with unerring accuracy and revelled in the Hollies surface, as is becoming a very familiar habit.

Dom finished with two wickets and Aman with four, supported by good catches from Ainslie, Tunna, Baz and Aman himself. The pick of the bunch, however, was a very pleasing grab at first slip from the freshly baggied-up Bobby Woodcock. It was taken so comfortably that a few people were left questioning skipper Sean McGurn’s position at first slip in future weeks...

At 65–6, the Dulwich batting line-up looked firmly on the ropes. However, they recovered well in the middle overs, with some positive batting on a quick-scoring outfield. The Plough, as usual, stuck at it in the field on what was a mercifully cooler Saturday and a good spell from our second high-class spinner of the day, Bobby, followed by a returning CRS, helped finish the innings at 171 all out.

Bobby ended with three wickets and was left questioning the three-wickets-for-a-jug rule...

Jackie’s teas were greatly appreciated and came and went in a flash as Plough minds began to turn towards the chase. The target was 172: eminently gettable, although a rapidly drying wicket would require application and a good helping of skill. Fortunately, application and skill are two things James “B-for” Barron has in abundance.

Taking a leaf out of the Dom Scott school of thought, I’d personally like to add “opening the bowling with spin” to the category of woke nonsense and I think Tom Merilaht had a similar idea. Having watched the opening spinner warm up, he proclaimed that the only way to deal with him was to deposit every ball back over his head.

Tom then proceeded to hit his first ball from the spinner directly back at his head and was caught and bowled.

Although less amusing at the moment of dismissal, this led to my favourite comment of the day. Bobby, striding off after a ten-over stint umpiring at square leg, quietly side-mouthed:

“Didn’t fancy having a look then, Tom?”

So, to the main man in the chase.

James Barron, in his relatively new role as an opening batter, looked completely unfazed by the spitting wicket. He timed the ball sweetly throughout and appeared in complete control against the spin. He neutralised the bowling with a decisive stride forward and, whenever they dropped short, effortlessly moved outside the line and opened up the gaps on the leg side.

Supported by second-wicket partnerships of 55 with Ainslie and 59 with Butlin, JB had taken the score to 124 by the time he departed for a well-made 61. A large part of the chase had already been completed.

He only tried to run both of us out three times. N.B. Hitting it hard does not automatically equal “yes”, JB.

As Baz walked off, Dulwich changed both their wicketkeeper and bowler. I remember thinking very clearly:

“The last thing we want now is two new batters at the crease.”

Great plan. Terrible execution.

I got out next ball.

Suddenly, it had all become a little nervy. Only a little, though. There was still plenty of batting to come, including the supreme ability and composure of the sushi-fuelled Tunna.

He saw us home with an excellent 27 from 29 balls, securing the win with four wickets still intact.

As Sean rather reductively summarised from his weekend away at a stately home:

“Good win. People did the things they’re good at really well.”

It is difficult to argue with that.

A final thank you to Tom Lonnen, who umpired the best part of 90 overs from both ends, and to Harry Wright, who scored throughout on the app and kept everyone following remotely up to date.

A thoroughly enjoyable day, an excellent team performance and 20 points safely secured to add to the 20 from the 2s on the Griffin. Bacon all round.

Match report from Chris Butlin (or Buttland, if you prefer)