With vicious overheads above and an even worse prognosis for the afternoon to come, opening batters Leo Nieboer and Alex Jullienne were happy to see the oppo sent into bat.

As Damon Greeney set up to bowl the game’s first ball, steady spitting rain fell relentlessly on the DSG, creating a weird morbid situation whereby every Ploughman knew play would be stopped, and wouldn’t continue after it was, but weren’t sure exactly when.

A deeply strange moment: standing there playing a game you know won’t be played, yet still playing it, somehow, and wondering why you’re doing any of this. My housemate was tucked up in bed watching Netflix, calmly watching droplets gently hit her window. Friends were with partners, or out drinking, making memories, doing fun things, or just resting. And here I was, standing in genuine downpour and shouting sexual entreaties towards Will Curtis at extra cover. Why am I like this? Why do I do this? Why do any of us do this?

Thankfully, we weren’t out there long. After 20 minutes the rain hadn’t stopped, only intensified, Blue Wings adding 28 runs for the loss of no wicket. They navigated tricky conditions well, punishing short stuff ruthlessly. You could see why they currently top the league table at the time of writing.

Greeney and John Walton - two gun openers with fundamentally different bowling styles and even more divergent lifestyles/temperaments - acquitted themselves nicely, beating the bat on several occasions, but we all knew none of it mattered. Soon we were off and entrenched in the clubhouse, sinking jugs while grimly observing the downpour outside.

There isn’t much more to say, really, but I’ll nonetheless list some bullet points to sum up how the afternoon flowed from there (pardon the pun), alongside some general observations that none of you asked for:

- Leon Parks, all while sinking pints, managed to arrange TWO fixtures out of thin air after a game was cancelled at the last minute, further pushing home the notion that this guy is either some benevolent cricket socialite genius or a mafia don, or maybe both.

- The twos stayed behind to watch Australia, and in particular Marnus Labuschagne, retain the Ashes by keeping out England’s bowlers for the only period of play possible on Day 4 and 5 at Old Trafford, doing enough with the bat to earn a wholly undeserved draw and put another nail in the coffin of test cricket. Hope you’re happy, Aussie Ploughmen. You killed test cricket, and made me sad.

- Walton and Chris McCallister both received their Plough baggies - always a sweet moment. The former threatened me with a night out, which I declined due to prior obligations, and ended up on the piss with Freddie Mills instead - a drinking duo that even Pol Pot may have deemed a little too aggressive.

- Jackie came through with an excellent tea once again, including warm chicken nuggets, which always taste better when you know there’s ZERO chance of playing cricket later that day

- Glen McGrath chucked it and Michael Vaughan is a terrible bloke

- The twos are going up, and the drinks are going down!

Match report produced by Leo Nieboer