With skipper Trent Catanzariti running late due to busses at Victoria station being invariably chaotic and awful, Greg Willis tossed up and, despite his burning desire to bowl first on a good-looking wicket with tiny boundaries, went with the team’s overall wishes and elected to bat.

Openers Hanzala Shaffique and Leo Nieboer got the Plough off to a nice start, moving to 67-0 off nine overs to create a strong platform, with Hanzi undoubtedly the star. The two openers agreed, prior to stepping over the white line, that Hanzi would be the one who attacked, while Nieboer tried to anchor. The result was phenomenal: Hanzi batted with freedom and class, peeling off eight fours on his way to 38, while Nieboer scratched his way to 13 - hitting a rank full toss straight to cover after 10 overs of negotiating testing opening bowling. The eternal opener curse.

Rehan Raees and Will Curtis took the game forward, both looking elegant, until Curtis was controversially triggered by Nieboer for 13. The ball hit him fairly low, but as the Cairns Fudge skipper said later, “it was going miles down leg”. The author feels a strange mixture of guilt and self-righteousness here: it felt out at the time, but in hindsight, you’re a dickhead for triggering anyone, to be honest - especially in a friendly.

After that it was the Raees show. He notched up 66 off 42 balls, doing it all effortlessly, with incredible stroke play, all while wearing the Plough baggy — which made the whole thing look even better.

Having holed out, Raees made way for Trent and John Ryves, the two of them putting on a valuable partnership worth 60. Ryves, in particular, dissected the field beautifully, scoring seven fours on his way to 38 — a personal best for the club. The Plough finished on 257-7 off 35 — a commanding total.

The openers for Cairns Fudge (named after a cricketer who retired to found a fudge company, because why the fuck not) started in similar fashion to their counterparts, racing quickly to a 50 partnership before Itesham Aslam trapped their No.1 LBW (this one definitely out).

Trent pulled us aside at this stage and politely noted that we were indeed bowling “like a bunch of c&%ts”, encouraging the bowling unit to tighten their lines. Which they did. Dave Yates, Raees, and Trent all bowled splendidly on a decent pitch with small boundaries, and by the time 10 overs were left, the oppo still needed 120.

Amazingly, due to a combination of strong pinch hitting and wavering lines, the oppo got to a point where they needed 15 off the last over, which in these Bazball times is nothing, really.

Thankfully, skipper Trent came in clutch, bowling an over that went for just one to seal a deserved but unnecessarily stressful win for the Plough. The fielding team did their best, backed relentlessly by the extremely vocal Hussein Selmi, who kept nicely.

After a few beers with the oppo at a posh nearby boozer, a bunch of us zoomed to the DSG to celebrate the birthday of beloved club captain Liam Grayzer, and enjoyed the kind of evening at the DSG one truly craves during those cold lonely winter months. There was nudity, bowl offs, endless jugs, songs, and the true spectacle and phenomenon that is Yanni Beveas - who goes down as my player of the day, despite not actually playing.

Sorry, Raees. And, um, sorry to you as well, Will. Maybe just play straight next time.

Match report produced by Leo Nieboer