So punctual, in fact, that they got to watch the wicket being rolled with pints in hand. On a pitch ripe for the batting, the team watched on nervously as captain Leon practiced his extensive small talk with the oppo skipper. After a lengthy wait, it was revealed that despite losing the toss, we were allowed to bat. All we had to do was supply a spare fielder till the last of the opposition arrived. So we did. Yates was sent out with strict reminders of a certain recent Plough performance for Southbank.

Cosgrove and Suri opened the batting, Suri's claims that he was going to play sensibly and get into the game before going for it ringing freshly in their ears. And, much to their surprise, he did just that. Andrew and Suri played a very sensible opening almost ten overs on a pitch that really gave little to work with. Short balls kept low and medium pace combined with long boundaries meant that they had to work for their runs.

Despite his restrained batting and wonderful technique, Suri managed to top edge a full toss to the only fielder on the pitch who would've (and did) catch that ball.

Skipper Leon then came on as he and Cosgrove built a stable partnership to set up the game. Despite having to work for it, they got into a great rhythm of pushing the singles and doubles. Just as the partnership was getting some gas behind it, disaster struck. Leon set himself up to pull a short ball that should, by all rights have been knocked for four from chest height. Unfortunately, it kept so unbelievably low that from the sidelines it seemed as if he had chopped the ball onto his wicket, when in actual fact he was clean bowled.

Next came Theo for his debut (if you discount Pirates, and I do: any form with fewer than six balls to an over does not count, especially but not limited to the ESB's pathetic answer to the IPL). Despite not having played on a grass wicket for around ten years, hopes were high. However, some illicit advice from the umpire would be his undoing. "This guy is spraying it all over the place, so don't worry and see off a few". Unfortunately, the bowler had saved his best ball of the day for our poor debutant, who was sent back to the (very nice) pavilion for a golden.

In came out resident musician, Fletcher (new albums, plural, out this year), who proceeded to build an excellent partnership with Cosgrove. Boundaries were being hit, runs were being made and Cosgrove was two balls away from facing a 100 and flirting with a Plough best. Alas, it was not to be and he was caught after putting in a stellar innings as anchor for 39.

Now down to the final ten overs and with bats to spare, the Plough were picking the pace up. Incoming batsmen were throwing caution to the wind and trying to rack up those runs. However, the long boundaries and slow bowling coupled with this run-making intent made a dangerous combination. The middle order scored and scored fast, but they also got out a fair bit too. Fletcher, Tunnacliffe and Nair were all caught out with run rates near 100.

The final over was upon them, with Wilby and Niraj at the crease. The runs kept ticking over, but on the second last ball (compared to the last ball of the innings last year) Wilby lost his wicket, out stumped. This brought Vibes (whom the author of this match report is extremely grateful for his lift to and from the game) in to face the last ball. Fortunately, Vibes got the Bazball memo and knocked a nice double to bring his run rate for the day to 200.

After a very filling tea, the Plough took to the field, but not before Wilby had made the promise of a fully funded roast from the adjacent pub to any player who took a five-fer. Carl opened the bowling with controlled and pacey balls that went for few runs. Wilby replicated from the opposite end as the openers got us off to a good start. There were some strong boundaries from the opposition bats, who looked like they could be a problem. Not to worry though, first change Rahul came on with his characteristically tight bowling to get their dangerman out with a lovely catch by Suri. Vibes got the wicket he had more than earned with a LBW even the hesitant umpire could not not award.

Wickets three and four came for Yates. Though he's been suffering from early season jitters, he managed to keep it fairly tight and bowl his first wicket maiden. There was a catch, beautifully taken by Tunnacliffe, and a clean bowled from the back off the hand so loopy and slow the bowler actually turned his head away in embarrassment as he hit off stump.

Having got a taste of the ball with his recent catch, Tunnacliffe took to the crease hungry. A magnificent innings saw tight lines, controlled length and bamboozled batsmen. The magnificent innings from Tunnacliffe started with a clean bowled, followed up with a glorious LBW, so plumb the umpire had to protest multiple times there was no way he couldn't have given it. With Niraj holding down the opposite end wonderfully and building the pressure, Tunnacliffe let loose. Another two clean bowled really put the pressure on the oppo and, more importantly, on Wilby, who was getting nervous about his earlier offer of a roast to anyone who took a fivefer.

As such, a violent campaign of sledging began. He even went to far as to check the with the oppo scorers how many overs Tunnacliffe had left, and conclude it was 0 regardless of their response. As part of this inquiry he was very pleased to discover Fletcher was in the book as having taken four and since he was keeping there was little danger of that becoming five. Moreover, Fletcher had become the first Plough if not cricket player in history to get a fourfer despite exclusively keeping.

Wilby's sledges clearly got to Yates' head as he put down a sitter at mid on. As gutting as it must be for George, this has raised an interesting quandary regarding jug avoidance. Tunnacliffe missed out on a well deserved five fer, but who was the guilty party? Was it Tunnacliffe himself, who had no agency in the missed catch? Yates, for missing a plumb catch because his bucket hat is a size too big and he is incapable of seeing over the rim? Or Wilby, for his psychological campaign to prevent forking out for the finest roast dinner in Chobham? As a completely impartial party to the matter, I blame Lewis Wilby and Lewis Wilby alone and also think he should also get done for roast avoidance.

On a related note, Wilby took great relish in bowling a couple of overs of off-spin, which he did very well. With the pressure on the opponents, an excellent spell of tight bowling behind him, Niraj brought home the match with not one, but two caught and bowleds in three balls. Although Niraj expressed some disappointment at how easy he made them look, compared to his performance at Putney, they were magnificent to watch and brought home the win. All in all a great day was had by all, and in the pavilion, pints and a pub roast were greatly enjoyed after the game.

Match report from Dave Yates