Early May. The first really decent weather of the season. A double-home DSG Sunday. All seemed well in the world. Yet, Ploughmans never quite got going versus Cincinnati CC.

Events did not bode well on Friday when we had only 10, but with a bit of tooing and froing by Sunday we had a team with two on day-boo and one guest, John Thornton from Southbank CC, after their game was abandoned.

Cincinnatti set the tempo by asking for a 1.30pm start and they proved ready to keep us waiting all afternoon. They were a nice enough bunch but they didn’t seem in any hurry. Once they’d arrived, they brought 12, possibly 13 players, allowing them the luxury of substitutions.

(For the curious: they also had no idea why they were named after a US city, with the only explanation offered being a link to 1960s Steve McQueen poker movie The Cincinatti Kid).

Skipper Britto won the toss and put us in on a typically slow and low track opening with himself and one of the debutantes, Angus Osborne. Osborne looked all elegance and poise until he stylishly let the third ball of the day go and it clipped his off stump. It was the first episode of a memorable afternoon for him.

Thornton joined Britto and they steadied the ship putting on 35 off the first 10 overs and eventually they would put on 64 for the 2nd wicket, both falling before drinks, Britto caught at point and Thornton caught behind.

That brought Ian Smith and Robert Mead to the crease looking to push on.

But it never quite happened. Mead tickled an edge and was caught by the keeper standing up.

Ian Smith kept them out at the other end and posted his highest ever score of 23, beating his previous of 14. The push in the last 10 overs never arrived and despite some wristy, clean strikes from Baveas, the Plough could only reach 137. Yes, really.

In reply, Cobbett and another debutante Aman Jain, (and yes he is an actual Jain) opened the bowling tidily with his medium pace. We needed early wickets. We didn’t get them.

They began with one of their guest youths who hadn’t fielded and looked annoyingly well coached until he missed a slow and low straight one from Greeney.

Britto kept the bowlers rotating to protect the lead but no-one could dislodge the opener Saqib, who casually slapped it around and by drinks it was all over by the shouting as they were 123 for 1. For good measure, Saqib retired on 61.

Yanni still had time to ditch the keeping gloves citing his legs as being fucked, then juggle a dolly at gully which he held onto at the second attempt. But it made no difference, and they brought up the victory with a straight 6. Hand and head shakes all round.

And what of Osborne? Smarting, and looking to revive his morale after his early shower, he enquired politely in the pavilion if he could borrow a fork as it was some time before tea.

‘We don’t have any cutlery,’ was the welcoming reply leaving the poor chap forced to eat it with his fingers.

Let’s hope he comes back.

Match report from Robert Mead