I was not alone in my case of illness though. Callum had been struggling all week with some bronchitis and Lewys had a pinched sciatic nerve. Damon Greeney, however, was already running out to the middle to set up stumps and get his early bowling motions in, making me feel rather ashamed about my fitness levels. I quickly got over this by reminding myself that I ran a marathon last month. This calm itself reversed when I remembered how much beer I've drunk since then.

Having never lost a toss before this season, something I proudly claimed in my first game back, only to then lose my next 2 tosses, I was very glad to receive a text from the Battersea Skipper to concede said toss. We could choose what to do as they were running late.

Agreeing to my grubby little desires, the entire top 6 quickly finished their cigarettes to pad up, save for Sayed, who is far too smart to engage in such folly.

Sean and Suri together; a sight that has regularly had league opposition scared. Those pregame niggles were starting to clear with the confidence instilled by the site of those 2 ready.

I had the best seat in the house. Square leg umpire. Bring on the fireworks baby. Suri gives himself 1 ball. Then another.

3rd ball. Bowler starts running in. Suri takes 2 steps down the track.

My smug smile quickly turns into a worried frown as the ball flicks the bat and the keeper settles it into the breadbasket. Fuck.

I regain my composure. I remember Sun Tzu said "those who are victorious plan effectively and change decisively."

Change was coming, and it was in the form of Michael Ainslie. Sun Tzu also said "Ultimate victory is achieved when battle has been thwarted through intimidation." Michael certainly looked intimidating going out there, mullet poking out from under the helmet.

This intimidation factor quickly crumbled, and not because anyone told them Ainslie's strike rate (the engine room chat is safe from Scottish influence... for now). McGurn, who had looked utter class for his 12, drilled a ball back past the bowlers head. The bowlers hand in its natural position during his follow through, somehow managed to stick the ball to it, like Neiboers shirt to his back after a long net. A truly grim way to go. I imagine it was a similar feeling to when I patted Leo on his back following that net.

Not the start I had planned, or the change I had wanted. But I was still excited, with Sayed going in for us. I couldn't help it. The confidence of the man was infectious. Midweek he had told me he usually bats top order as a left hander, and "bowls a bit."

He quickly backed this up with some glorious shots, causing more rope movement than a 50 shades of grey themed party.

Ainslie, not to be outdone, similarly banished a ball to the boundary. We appeared to be rebuilding, with a lovely little 27 partnership that took us to 40.

Those anxiety pangs started fading. With the strength of batting on display, surely only divine intervention could stop us.

Then God, probably still angry about deep fried mars bars, decided to continue his centuries long punishment of the Scots, by blessing their bowler with an outrageous nut. The ball flicked the top of off-stump and Ainslie had to come back to the sidelines. Unlucky to go. He was looking every bit a player who had been called up to the 1s recently.

At 40-3, I will say I wasn't too comfortable. Sometimes, if you need a job done, you do it yourself.

Myself and Sayed formed a small partnership, a lovely little 32, of which Sayed hit about 28. He sadly fell when slightly early on a drive, which he hit straight back to the bowler, after a very respectable 39. Not bad for your first ever game on a grass wicket.

72-4. Callum Daley joins me at the crease. 2 Arsenal fans. If we failed to rebuild here, the jokes about bottling it would be endless. The pure thought of Giordy's messaging all week made us determined to push through and succeed, despite neither of us feeling 100%.

What followed was 20 overs of peerless batting. Late cuts, square cuts, straight drives, cover drives, and sweeps all featured. There was even a ramp (it wasn't successful).

We managed to completely set up the foundation for the lower middle order, testing my dodgy hip and Callums injured quad with some excellent run calling, heaping the pressure on.

Knowing we had some explosiveness below us, and with myself being pretty much gassed out, I decided it was time to try and accelerate. Next ball I was bowled for 75 heaving at a straight one. Shortly after Callum completed his own half century, before getting caught behind for 58. We had crafted a gorgeous partnership of 127.

Callum has since let me know we were only 25 away from the record 5th wicket partnership, nearly making me regret the decision to attack. The only reason I don't is we would not have witnessed what was to come.

Oscar strode out to the middle, a man who lives in the above 100 strike rate category.

What followed were 2 sixes that cleared the burbage rope from belair. Absolutely monstrous strikes from the man. He raced to 37 off of 18 balls. Liam Livingstone eat your heart out.

Lewys tried to follow the role he was set, unfortunately holing out in the deep while trying to go big. The onslaught of hitting wouldn't stop though as Justin Cash bashed a valuable 12 off of 6, unfortunately being run out in a tight call on a 3. Damon tied up the end of the innings with a good 2 not out.

We had set a very strong 261 total off our 40.

After some fine teas, during which there was a strong debate over Max Gs approach before batting of pint, red bull, cigarette (having tried it, I can recommend), we got set to bowl.

Oscar and Damon had the new cherry, the classic inswing-outswing combination to keep the batsmen unsettled. What followed was 12 overs of sheer dominance.

The incessant line and length, with some occassional short stuff, should be included as part of the Geneva convention, for the psychological torture it caused.

Damon managed to snag their opener, and the dangerous number 3, who had told us we didn't have enough runs on the board. Sayed caught both of them fantastically well, with the first catch including running round from mid wicket to behind Nigel at mid-on.

Oscar at the other end was having a fun game of how close can you get to the edge. He must have been listening to a lot of Sting recently. Seriously good bowling caused about 30 plays and misses from the batter, his bat becoming more useless than a 4 pint jug.

Perhaps the highlight of Oscar's 8 over spell was an outswinger, pitching on middle and off. Assuming he'd finally gotten his man, as the ball lands Oscar screams out, "that's gone!" only for the ball to seam away and miss off stump. He follows this up by telling me he's gonna put some effort into the next one, at which I ask him to go for the toes. He duly obliged and was unlucky that the batter somehow dug it out.

Quite honestly it was one of the strongest opening bowling displays I'd seen on a Sunday for Ploughmans, both of them truly doing it all.

With us on top, on came the strike bowling pair of Ravi Cashwin and Uncle Nige. Cash was unlucky not to bowl out their Skipper, with 2 balls somehow beating everything. A cry from Damon Greeney goes out of "by a coat of varnish!"

Nige, in typical fashion, puts the first ball on the spot, takes the edge with a slight bit of turn away, catching the edge which Callum takes calmly at 2nd slip. Like watching prime Anil Kumble, if he was from Middlesborough and much more fun.

The spin onslaught was only just starting though, and some fine vice captaincy from Suri, to shift Sayed straighter and shorter, led to him snaffling a catch on a slightly upward drive. Sayed's third catch of the day. Nigel followed this up by bowling another with the final ball before drinks.

As their Skipper settled his eye a little and started seeing the spin, I knew the game was primed for Lewys and Sayed to come on and offer some pace and swing.
Sayed bowled incredibly tight. And rapid.

It was noted that when Oscar asked him how fast he bowled he said, "faster than you." Fair play to him, he backed it up.

Lewys created pure chaos for the batters, seeing about 6 shots skied and dropping agonisingly in the gaps, as well as somehow beating bat and stumps multiple times.

He eventually got his reward, catching the outside edge, which Suri snaffled with a cracking one handed catch high above his head.

I'm glad he got his reward when he did, as he soon told me his back was starting to pull a little and he needed to come off.

As unfortunate as this was for him, it opened up a spot for Ainslie to turn over the arm. It was time to prove his song true, and how he did.

In his first over, puts the ball in a challenging spot, catching the leading edge on a back foot drive, with a superbly taken diving catch by Sean Mcgurn in the covers. His first ever wicket for the Plough.

With them 8 down and needing around 31 an over to win, we could pretty much relax and start to enjoy the beers.

A cracking win, with everyone contributing to it. It was the sort of day where it felt like we had 11 Mitch Marshes in the field. Everyone committed, everyone helped out, everyone backed each other. There is no better day to exemplify what Ploughmans stands for. There are no days where I am more proud to get the chance to captain teams for this club.

Plough On.

Match report from Harry Davies