Skipper Max Gumpert asked me to pen a “short” report. I did that (see version one here: we bowled, we got wickets, it rained, we drank), but in proper Plough spirit – and because Max would probably send me packing if I left it at that – here’s the full version.

The Build-Up:

There was an early buzz in the Ploughman’s camp – this wasn't just another fixture, oh no, this was THE game. Southbank – our neighbours, rivals, and general nuisance – had to be put in their place. Even the gods smiled upon us when we heard that Will Arnold, destroyer of bowling attacks and scorer of three consecutive tons, was not playing. That alone felt like a win.

Max won the toss, and with thunderclouds looming like GCSE results, we decided to bowl first. The logic? Batting second with our batting depth seemed smarter than gambling on the weather. Spoiler alert: the weather still won.
The Bowling Masterclass:

Opening with Liam Gray and the aforementioned Max “Skipper Supremo” Gumpert, we were off to a flier. Both struck in their second overs – Liam bowling with venom, sending the stumps flying like cheap deckchairs in a seaside storm, and Max trapping one poor lad LBW who may or may not still be trying to work out what happened.

A flurry of maidens followed (the cricket kind, sadly), and the Southbank lot found themselves in trouble. Liam bagged another after a screamer of a catch from George “Jonty” Tunnacliff at gully – seriously, that man has glue for hands.

After a quick rain break (classic British summer), Rob Keong and Umar Iqbal took over, and it was like watching a couple of artists with a paintbrush. Rob teased an edge to keeper Bob Mead, and Umar… well, what can I say? 23 dot balls in five overs. That’s not bowling, that’s wizardry.

At drinks, Southbank were 68 for 4 and already eyeing up the bar.

Mid-Innings Mayhem:

Post-squash, George came on to bowl and kept things miserably tight for Southbank. Ajay (that’s me!) and Harry Wright filled in some overs – and lo and behold, I got my first Ploughman’s wicket! Sure, it was a rank long-hop that deserved to be sent to Wimbledon, but George “Jonty” pulled off another miracle on the midwicket boundary. Cheers, mate.

As the innings wrapped up, Umar, Max, and Liam returned for the final overs. Liam snagged a third, and Umar casually mopped up three for himself, including a bowled, a caught & bowled and an LBW that made everyone briefly forget that England just got hammered by India in the Birmingham test. He’s basically a bowling one-man band – just missing a tambourine.

Shoutout to the fielders too – Ben Gumpert, John Ryves, and the rest of the crew kept the boundaries in check with more dives than a Premier League striker.

Southbank stumbled to 193/9 – a very chaseable target. The plan during tea was simple: Umar to anchor, Ajay to throw hands like a T20 mercenary, and the big hitters to mop up the rest.

And Then It Rained…

But alas, Mother Nature had other ideas. The heavens opened, the pitch became a waterpark, and the only thing left to chase was the last pint before last orders. Umar got as far as strapping on his pads before the match was called off. The rain gods had the final say, and the beer gods took over.

The Verdict:

We’ll have to wait until next year to finish what we started with Southbank. But for now: 9 wickets, superb fielding, cracking banter, and cold beers? We’ll take it.

Until next year …

Match report from Ajay John