For those unfamiliar, Ide Hill is a unique, some might say ludicrous, place to play cricket. It’s a small ground, with a boundary that backs straight onto a road, and the pavilion literally intrudes into the field of play. Several local rules spice things up: a six must clear the pavilion entirely (and preferably land in the road), and any extras that reach the boundary are counted as two runs, not four. Oh, and did we mention the slope? Half the ground is on a decent incline, which makes life interesting for both batters and bowlers.

With all 11 Ploughmen accounted for and only a handful of the opposition present, skipper Leon confidently won the toss and chose to bat. As we waited for the remaining opposition players to trickle in, a few kind-hearted Ploughs even subbed in to help them field for the opening overs.

Our innings kicked off with a classy left-handed opening pair: George Boughton and Ean Smith. They capitalised on the sparse field and put together a fluent 50-run stand. Ean was the first to fall, making way for Cosy at No. 3. He continued the momentum alongside George, who brought up a stylish fifty from just 41 balls before retiring per the ground rules.

Bharat joined Cosy at the crease and struck a couple of crisp boundaries before nicking a short one behind to Harry Bray, who was doing fine work with the gloves for the opposition. Suri then came in and played his usual composed game, providing support to Cosy, who looked increasingly confident and poised for his first-ever fifty for the Plough. But, at 49, Cosy was bowled. Agonisingly close. Whether it haunts him forever remains to be seen, but the pain was written all over our faces.

Leon came in next, while Suri continued to accumulate runs steadily. He brought up his second fifty of the weekend, albeit slower than usual. Notably, he showed admirable restraint when facing the opposition’s nine-year-old bowler — young Felix — choosing sportsmanship over savagery, and retiring after bringing up his half-century on the penultimate ball of the innings. Ajit Prasad stepped in for the final delivery and helped the team close on an imposing, but chaseable, 245.

After a top-notch tea featuring a strong showing of custard creams and bourbons, the Plough took to the field reinvigorated and ready to defend.

Giordy and Ihtesham opened the bowling and quickly discovered the challenges of the ground. Anything remotely short was punished, often lost to the surrounding long grass. Geordi made the first breakthrough with a catch at square leg by Harry P, but the opposition made the most of the short boundary and kept up with the required run rate.

Harry was then introduced into the attack and was quickly acquainted with the 'pavilion six' rule, watching several sail over the roof to the road beyond. Thankfully, Lewys kept things tighter from the other end, claiming a wicket with a sharp caught-and-bowled off his third delivery. Spin was then introduced as AJ bowled a beautiful, controlled spell, hitting good lines and building pressure.

Lewys struck again soon after, with Giordy taking a tidy catch in the deep. Harry Bray, back from his stint as wicketkeeper to bat for his team, looked in control and guided the innings toward a dangerous balance at drinks.

Immediately after the break, AJ induced a loose shot from Bray that led to a moment of bizarre brilliance: Giordy juggled the ball, fell to the ground, and somehow caught it as it landed perfectly on his chest. Not long after, the new batter was run out via a direct hit from Lewys at third man. Momentum had shifted.

Another wicket followed for Giordy, which brought young Felix back to the crease. To his credit, he showed gumption and technique beyond his years. But ultimately, a gentle nick found Harry’s safe hands off AJ’s bowling. The celebration, understandably, was subdued.

With just two batters left, one freshly returned from retirement, the oppo pushed for a final charge. The chase was getting close, made no easier by the unpredictable bounce of the weary pitch. Then came the decisive blow: a mistimed drive off Lewys steepled high into the air. Harry P, patrolling at cover, kept his cool, juggled slightly for good measure, and clutched the catch.

Victory! Ploughmans CC won by 22 runs.

There was little ceremony after the final ball, the opposition left almost as urgently as they’d arrived. The Plough, in contrast, made their way to The Cock Inn for celebratory pints and glowing recaps of a fine day’s cricket under the Ide Hill sun.

Another win for the Plough, new memories made, and a few fresh entries into the Ide Hill Fifty Club... or just shy.

Match report from Harry Payne