Ah, the English countryside. Rolling greens, chirping birds, picket fences, and the gentle thwack of leather on willow. The perfect backdrop for what was meant to be a casual Sunday knockabout. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t casual. And it definitely wasn’t a knockabout. Unless you're counting how hard we knocked about our own dignity.

Our brave Ploughmans ventured to the ever-so-quaint CC&W, hand-picked by skipper Leon Parks, presumably for its scenic charm and the fact that it’s three minutes from his house.

He assembled a batting-heavy team, clearly anticipating that we'd chase down anything up to and including the national debt.

The Toss: The Only Thing We Won All Day

We won the toss and did what any self-respecting Sunday side would do when presented with a ground that has a massive telly in the bar: we chose to bowl. Why get sweaty chasing leather when you can get sunburnt watching the Lionesses win the Euros from a beer-soaked sofa?
Bowling: Leather Hunt 2025

Giordy and Jay opened up with the new ball and even had the audacity to look promising… for two overs. Then came over number three, where CC&W casually reminded us that they can bat. The floodgates opened with three boundaries and the slow, creeping death of hope began.
Jay kept things respectable at one end but the batter took a fancy to Giordy.

We threw on Simon Crane and Ajay John, who valiantly tried to slow things down. And they did… by about 0.3 runs per over. Which, to be fair, is like putting a hat on during a hurricane.

Josh Kerr and Ian Smith gave it a go too, presumably out of contractual obligation. By this point, we were hoping our batting would be good enough to chase down the growing total.

Giordy did what no one else could: took a wicket. Our only wicket. It was such a rare event we’re considering renaming the club “One Wicket Wonders.”

As for Simon Crane, he took a catch — an actual, honest-to-goodness catch. Pandemonium. Grown men wept. Birds paused mid-flight. We briefly considered building a statue. Then remembered we needed the funds to a pay for a team therapist.

Final score? 258 for 1 in 35 overs. Basically, a batting tutorial — and we were the whiteboard.

Batting: Lower the Expectations, Not the Bats

Now, to our reply. Or, more accurately, gentle resistance to total humiliation.

CC&W held onto seven catches. Not normal ones, either — we’re talking diving, leaping, physics-defying nonsense. One guy may have caught one in his sleep. The other three wickets were bowled, as our batters stood frozen like pigeons in headlights.

But fear not — some heroes emerged:

• Ean: Dug in like a tick in a terrier and battled his way to 21. He faced more balls than most of us faced decisions. A lesson in stubbornness and backfoot defence.

• Leon: Scored a fluid 24, top-scored for a good while, and briefly convinced us we had a chance. He also enjoyed a scenic walk back after one of those seven circus-act catches.

• Simon Crane (again!): Came in at number 10, looked around at the wreckage, and thought, “Fine, I’ll do it myself.” Bludgeoned a brave 22 and dragged us across the 100-run mark, which felt like scoring 500 in the context of the day.

Everyone else? They tried. And that’s what matters. Allegedly.

Still, let’s not forget the Lionesses won — and we believe that, in sacrificing our pride and wickets, we may have channelled the winning energy across sports. Truly selfless. We lost the match, but we helped win a nation’s heart.

Match report from Ajay John