Enter Leon Parks, who paused his evening of watching Happy Gilmore 2 (because obviously he has it on repeat) and within five minutes lined up the London Panthers. Truly heroic. Honestly, Leon deserves a statue. Or at least a Greggs voucher.

The Panthers rocked up 35 minutes late, because apparently Waze doesn’t work for North Londoners.

Overs cut to 35. Plough field first. Opening up: ChadGPT and Aman Jain (another AJ but not the original AJ, nor the funniest AJ). Aman strikes early with a catch from Alex Gordon Walker (AGW) and an outrageous grab from Hisham that looked like it should’ve come with a cape.

We kept bowling changes fast—full-on pyjama cricket strategy—before unleashing Bisi (sober edition) and Harry Edmonds, aka "Plough’s answer to Ben Stokes if Ben Stokes bowled slightly fewer wides." Bisi hit his straps immediately, threatening off stump like a bail-sniffing sniffer dog, and eventually cleaned up their set batter with the perfect delivery. Harry bowled a full quota for the first time! Write it down, historians.

Panthers raced to 130 in 17 overs, which was less “steady build” and more “IPL trial.” Drinks break: England score checked (India yawn-fest), tea inhaled, hopes refreshed. Post-drinks, Sandeep, Aislynn and Hisham came on, facing an actual former Afghan academy batter who decided to treat our bowling like an audition for Fast and Furious 12: Kabul Drift. Despite a couple of lovely poles from Sandeep—including a sneaky lightning quick one—the run rate soared. AJ pulled off a cheeky run-out to slow things down… which it didn’t. Panthers closed on 288 off 35, about 40 over par.

Enter Jackie’s teas. Game on.

Batting reply: AGW and Wee Michael Ainslie open steadily. Then Hisham and Aislynn arrive. Highlight? Their opening bowler, mid-macho strut, asks: “Mind if I bowl full pace to her?” Mate. She literally throws men into the sea for fun. One ball later, Aislynn creams him for shot of the day. “Bowl full pace and grow up, mate,” we said.

Hisham anchors beautifully, bringing up a debut Plough 50, while Harry smashes a ridiculous 36 off 16 balls. Lower order chaos follows: Ovens, AJ (the better AJ), Aman. Then the Panthers completely lose the plot. One guy fields barefoot. Two “senior statesmen” just… retire from fielding. Ideal for Bisi, who smells blood. He bludgeons 4s and 6s en route to *45 (the most deliberate 50-avoidance you’ll ever see).

We close on 235, a spirited chase but short of the mark.

Big shout-outs: Chad for fearless opening bowling, Hisham for his debut 50, Harry for all-round chaos, and Bisi for turning "less fielders" into "personal buffet mode." Lesson learned: catches win matches, shoes are not optional cricket gear, and Leon Parks can organise a fixture faster than Deliveroo.

Thanks!

Match report from AJ [original]