Conditions, in short, that were made for sitting in the shade with a cold beer rather than playing 70 overs of competitive cricket.

Skipper Max Gumpert won the toss, surveyed the surface, surveyed the sky, and made a decision he felt compelled to apologise to the team for before a ball had been bowled. Electing to field first, his logic was straightforward if optimistic: restrict Cricketers CC to something chaseable, then deploy what we consider a batting-heavy Ploughmans lineup to knock it off in the evening cool. It was a reasonable theory. As theories go, it held together right up until we actually started playing cricket.

A word on the afternoon's guests. Bharat Ramesh's parents, over from Australia, joined us at the DSG; a lovely addition to an already fine occasion, and a reminder that Ploughmans is as much about the community around the game as the game itself.

We were also graced by the very welcome presence of Umar Iqbal, who very generously stayed for most of the afternoon to umpire. Ickers’ offer to stand was, it must be said, not entirely unconnected to the fact that he had arrived at the DSG wearing a Dulwich CC "Coach" top, a sartorial decision that raised eyebrows in certain quarters. To his credit, he acknowledged the transgression promptly and made appropriate reparations by buying me a very fine sausage roll from Herne Hill street market, which I accepted graciously. The matter is now considered closed.

Cricketers batted with purpose and patience, their opening pair providing the backbone of a relatively modest total that we actually rather fancied. Max Gumpert himself was the standout with the ball; his 4 wickets for 29 from 6 overs a reminder that he remains one of the finest cricketers to have pulled on a Plough shirt. The rest of the attack found wickets harder to come by, but Phil Kelly bowled very tidily for his 2 for 16 and was genuinely unlucky not to have picked up a couple more, sending down some absolute snorters that beat the bat repeatedly, and Steve Britto grabbed 1 for 28. Your correspondent also had his moment, hitting the top of their number three’s off stump with a delivery that would have graced any attack, only for the bail to decline the invitation to fall. That’s cricket.

Behind the stumps, Yanni Bavaes was magnificent throughout, with three cracking dismissals: two sharp stumpings and a caught behind. Great cricketer, great bloke.

Cricketers closed on 210, with 30 in extras generously donated by the home side; not 250, so Maxies' stated target had been achieved
Yanni Bavaes and Steve Britto opened Plough’s batting, Britto making 17 before falling lbw to their opening bowler, who was pretty tight throughout. Bavaes went for 8, caught behind off the same fella. Bharat Ramesh contributed 7 before being caught off Sohail, and then came the bizarre moment of the afternoon.

Andrew Cosgrove arrived at the crease, took guard, and had barely registered his surroundings before Leo Kelly, his partner and theoretic ally, called him through for a run that had no business being attempted! Cos was run out for nought, his walk back to the pavilion slow and measured, speaking volumes that politeness prevented him from saying aloud. Meanwhile, nobody watching could quite understand why he hadn't simply declined Leo’s optimistic invitation. That’s cricket.

Plough never quite recovered from the top-order collapse. Leo Kelly himself made a very lively 19 before being caught off Mahesh; redemption of sorts. Maxie contributed 17, and his dad, Ben, 12, Jonnie Ryves smashed a swashbuckling 23, and Phil Kelly a solid 18, but partnerships proved elusive, and we never threatened to trouble Cricketers' 210. Harry Wright was bowled by Fahey for 12, and the middle order's failure to build on promising starts proved the difference between a competitive chase and a comfortable Cricketers victory.

Which brings us, inevitably, to the innings of the day. Arriving at number 11 with the total on 151, Si Carson walked to the crease, faced three deliveries, and remained unbeaten on nought. Understated, perhaps. Unbeaten, certainly. It should be noted for the historical record that Carson has yet to be dismissed in the 2026 season. Bowlers have tried. The wicket has not fallen.

Ploughmans finished on 152 all out, losing by 58 runs.

A defeat then, but one that could very easily have been a victory. Maxies’ tactics were sound, the bowling was competitive, and on another afternoon, with the top order clicking, this match report writes itself very differently. But again, that's cricket; always capable of producing a result that bears no resemblance to what you thought you were watching.

Cricketers CC remain fine oppo, the DSG looked fantastic in the sunshine, Bharat's parents have a story to take back to Oz, and Ickers’ sausage roll debt has been honoured.

Si Carson
Chair, Ploughmans CC no. 175
Batting average: infinite