And another shootout on the heath this weekend has apparently brought down yet another British premier by Monday morning.

A lovely place to travel to, so long as you don’t have to use public transport, and the weather was delightful. At the toss the number of overs to be played was settle on 40, until the opposition only had 8 at 1:15, so we reverted to 35, with Captain Dowell winning the toss, and opting to bat first in the arid conditions akin to early desertification.

Tom Merilaht entered the field with a point to prove - the point being “why the hell should I retire at 50 on a Sunday?” - and went about his business at quick pace, hitting 5 boundaries in his first 10 balls. Among this, there was the quintessential village moment of the ball ending up in the shrubbery from merely tossing it back to the bowler.

Tony Poulter provided adequate support at the other end, seeing off a good number of balls from the more than capable opening bowler, before succumbing LBW to the dreaded finger of Dave Yates.

This brought the man who shares a name with Pitt the Younger’s favourite drink to the crease in Mr Mead (citation required). What followed was a glorious and flowing partnership that took the score from 30 to 154, taking the attack to the bowlers under the hot June sun.

In a brutal case of jug avoidance, Rob missed out on his second PCC half century by a solitary run, and the video of his stumps being disturbed is one he did not appreciate being shown immediately after bring out. Weird.

A couple of overs later, Tom brought up his second Ploughm weekend century - so he now has more runs than me in 6 games than I have in 40, which I’m going to paint as ‘golly, isn’t he marvellous!’, as opposed to “Bloody hell, that Wright chap’s awful… No, not him, his brother”.

Ovens plodded along at the other end, contributing 18 before being caught out, while Tom decided to retire at the statistically insignificant 133 with 2 overs to go. This brought out captain Nicko and Niraj to the crease, with Dowell hitting at a strike rate of 192 for an unbeaten quick-fire 25. But with two Australians out there, and noting the weather, we couldn’t go without a barbecue, as Niraj was left stranded on the final ball. 267 on the board, a competitive total to bowl against.

With a tea-less tea break (bringing your own teas = anti-woke nonsense), the highlight was the opposition player nipping off for his third joint of the day, then coming back to explain how into AI music he was. So we walked away, because that was boring.

Move over Chas and Dave, we have Chad and Dave opening the bowling here, and there was absolutely nothing Snooker Loopy about their opening spells, as they both operated at around a run-a-ball, with good energy around the field. Yates was unlucky to end up wicketless, but to be hit for only 4 boundaries in 5 overs on a deck with less friction than a frozen lack is incredibly good going.

The Mace did strike in his third over, bowling the opposing wicket keeper, who had one of the odder days out - arrived 20 minutes late, sat on his phone while everyone else was ready to start, played in shorts, lost his wicketkeeping pads, got out then jumped in the car and headed off within 10 minutes.

The other opener battled well to reach his 50, (and not retiring - hypocrisy, thy name is Roehampton (obvs we set the precedent first)), with 12 fours along the way. Chances were few and far between, and during the pie-fest that was an M. Wright over, confusion led to a runout by the revenge-seeking that is Merilaht.

Prasad, bowling for first time this season, showed less rust than stainless steel to remove the long-standing opener, with this bringing the 1st XI captain to the crease - and he was reasonably useful.

The removing of AI song man was a morale-boosting moment from the Skip, but this brought together what ultimately ended up being the winning partnership for Roehampton, not helped by a drop on the rope by yours truly.

They struck 22 fours and a six between them to sneak through to victory with 2 overs to spare, with Niraj and Nicko ending the bowling innings together, just as they had with the batting.

Ultimately, there was a lovely pub at the edge of the green, which we did some sensible sorrow-drowning, and there was niche discussions on the administration of the two major codes in Australian Sports - we are so back.

Match report from Max Wright