The night before, many of the squad had been glued to England's victory over Norway, which finished late enough to ensure that "eight hours sleep" was replaced by "that'll do." The celebrations rolled on well into the night and, in true Ploughmans fashion, Max ensured the beers were flowing long before anyone had considered warming up on Sunday morning. Hydration breaks now comes in many forms & times.

Adding to the excitement was the return of club legend Matt Hickson, making his first appearance since moving back to New Zealand.

For those of us who had never seen Matt play, the previous 72 hours had essentially been one long documentary narrated by Umar. Thursday night's nets became less of a practice session and more of a TED Talk titled Why Matt Hickson is the Greatest Cricketer Ever to Wear a Ploughmans Shirt. By Sunday morning, expectations had reached such ridiculous levels that anything short of a double century, a hat-trick and solving world peace would've been considered slightly disappointing.

Captain Liam won the toss on a glorious warm, sunny, breezy afternoon and, with supreme confidence (or perhaps because everyone needed a sit down after Saturday night), elected to bat first.

Then came the moment everyone had been waiting for.

Matt Hickson finally walked to the crease.

First ball … Four!!

He then proceeded to bat exactly as Umar had promised—timing everything with ridiculous ease and making the rest of us wonder why we'd ever bothered practising. Unfortunately, after deciding the next off-spinner deserved to be deposited into Belair House, he advanced just one stride too many. The house remained undamaged. His stumps, however, was courtesy the quick hands of the keeper

What followed however was another masterclass from Max Gumpert.

By now opposition clubs must have a WhatsApp group dedicated solely to discussing how to dismiss him. Unfortunately for Roehampton, no one had found the answer. Another unbeaten century. Another carried bat. Another afternoon of bowlers wearing increasingly confused expressions.There were even rumours he'd been loaned out by Surrey for the weekend. The only thing that looked capable of getting him out was the side muscle he appeared to tear trying to launch his very first ball into orbit. Lesser mortals would've retired hurt. Max simply spent the 40 overs grimacing between boundaries.

Few of us supported Max & Matt to get the score to 257. Highlights were skipper Liam’s patient innings and bowling maestro Domon’s unbeaten brilliant knock towards the end of the innings now clearly making him a batting all rounder.

Now jumping to our bowling, Matt also took the new ball when it was our turn to take the field

First ball … Middle stump rearranged. Wicket!!

Apparently deciding that wasn't enough for one afternoon, he also got involved in two run outs, one of which featured a direct hit from somewhere near the boundary that left everyone wondering whether New Zealand had secretly been training him with laser-guided missiles. By the end of the day, every word Umar had uttered on Thursday night had been completely justified. If anything, he'd undersold him.
Back to our bowling, Chad continued what has already become his finest season in Ploughmans colours, adding another two clean-bowled victims to an ever-growing wicket tally.

Then there was AJ Prasad.

Scientists may wish to look away.

After extensive observation throughout the season, Ploughmans has finally identified the secret to AJ taking wickets. It has absolutely nothing to do with line, length or years of practice. The process is simple. Place the ball on the palm of your hand and offer it to AJ like it was a plate full of South Indian sweets made by his new wife. AJ must then pick up the ball with his left hand. Please note … it must be his left hand. Only then may he bowl.

Every single time the ritual was followed... wicket.

Three of them, in fact.

At this point the evidence is overwhelming. The club will now be submitting this discovery to the MCC as an official amendment to the Laws of Cricket when AJ goes to bowl.

If Ploughmans were organised and a proper team, Roehampton were simply... chaos.

On the field, it quickly became apparent that they didn't have one captain. They appeared to have at least five.
Every field change seemed to require a committee meeting. At one stage there were so many conversations taking place that we weren't entirely sure whether they were setting a field or electing a new Pope. The field changed so often that several Ploughmans batters briefly considered asking for a map before taking guard.

Adding to the entertainment were not one, but two father-and-son combinations. The dads seemed heavily invested in where their sons should be fielding, leading to several animated conversations with the skipper. At one point, one of the opposition decided he'd had enough of the whole affair, wandered off to do some work on his laptop, and left the remaining eleven (or twelve... honestly, nobody was entirely sure how many players they had) to carry on.

Dress code also appeared to be optional. One player fielded in shorts. Another arrived at the crease wearing black tracksuit bottoms with white thigh pads strapped proudly over the top, creating a look never before witnessed on a cricket field. Thankfully Yanni stepped in to offer emergency wardrobe assistance before the thigh pads were eventually handed to the leg umpire, who by this point had probably seen enough for one afternoon.

Their greatest collective strength, however, was appealing. If the ball hit the pads, they appealed. If it missed the pads, they appealed. If it was pitched outside leg, they appealed.At one point a fielder at square leg was so convinced it was out that several of us briefly wondered whether he'd become the world's first remote-controlled umpire

During our batting, their scorers appeared to be operating from a secret bunker somewhere inside the clubhouse. At various stages there was no leg umpire, then suddenly there were two.

It was gloriously, wonderfully, unapologetically village cricket.

Credit where it's due though—Roehampton had two outstanding youngsters. One produced an excellent century, while another impressed everyone with both bat and ball. Whatever organisational mysteries surround the club, those two have very bright futures.

When the dust settled, Ploughmans had secured a superb victory by more than 70 runs in one of the most confusing afternoons of the season.
The handshakes were exchanged or were they? … the stories immediately became more exaggerated than the reality, and the jugs of lager and Guinness flowed exactly as they should after a Sunday well spent.

It was … The return of a legend … Another Gumpert hundred … AJ's left-hand sorcery … Five captains … Two leg umpires … One player in shorts … Peak village cricket.

Wouldn't have it any other way or would we?

Match report by Ajay “The Chef” John