The story of this game doesn’t really begin on Sunday—it starts last year, in the same fixture, when Max Gumpert dismantled Cincinnati with a remarkable double hundred. I remember the Pitchero notification coming through and immediately thinking we hadn’t heard the last of that.
I also remember the match report from that game,written by Prithu ,which, to this day, is the only one I’ve ever considered worth showing my dad (and for the record, I didn’t even play in the match; the report just carried it).

So, heading into this one, there’s a slight sense of unease: a side likely keen for a bit of payback, possibly with a few names that haven’t quite made it onto Play-Cricket yet (and might not again) and the added pressure of following up a report that set a pretty high bar. It feels a bit like being asked to write a sequel to the Bible, but with that said, we come to Sunday.

The day begins with a dispute, not between us and Cincinnati, but among Ploughmen, both teams want Burbage, and the screen that normally shows pitch allocations is instead displaying a bouncing Samsung screensaver, which never quite hits the corner. It comes down to a toss between Liam and Bob, we win, and head over to Burbage feeling like it is already one nil to us.

That feeling does not last long. When Harry Davies arrives, it quickly becomes one all as he loses the toss and we are sent into the field, well, ten of us are, Rob Mead has decided that being on time is early and being very late is on time.

Eventually Rob appears and we get going, with the ball handed to Qammar and Chad. Qammar is the kind of bowler I wish I could be, quick and relentlessly consistent, while Chad is, well, Chad. Together they produce an opening spell so good it would not look out of place at Hogwarts, removing both openers with ease, including a sharp catch from Bob Keogh at slip, having specifically asked to field at mid-on.

Dave Yates is brought into the attack and, first ball, a batter decides he is jealous of the Artemis mission and tries to send the ball into orbit. He does not quite see the dark side of the moon, instead finding the safe hands of the bowler. Their skipper, who goes on to umpire all 35 overs, calmly declares that it will go down in the Hall of Stupid Shots as the stupidest of all time, no matter, Yates has one.

At the other end, Tom Winter keeps things tight, but just as it looks like a partnership might form, Yates strikes again, the batter is beaten by the slow, and now he has two.

That same over brings another chance, a caught and bowled that goes down, part of a wider theme as drops and misfields begin to creep in across the field. With Winter taking a breather, spring has arrived, spring in this metaphor being myself. I enter this game holding a record that might rival Britto’s 13,000 runs for sheer stubbornness, most overs bowled without a wicket, currently standing at 18.1. The over does not begin well, the second ball disappears for six, and all I can think about is the tally creeping higher, but then, finally, it happens. The batter steps across, I follow him in, and the ball crashes into leg stump, the bail coming off, 18.5, at last.

My moment does not last long as I am immediately outshone by my Stats team colleague as he picks up wicket number 3, the calls for jugs and out in force, but there is a murmur, he couldn't could he, its another bowled and its a real good one. I was asked by Yates to slander his wickets but I just can’t because it's so good and we have a real look at their tail. I finish off my spell with nothing more to wax lyrical about. Dave Yates has 3.

Somewhere during all this, I ask their skipper the obvious question, why Cincinnati. He explains he was in the pub when the name was chosen in 1998, but unfortunately he was in the toilet at the time, returning to find the club named. He thinks it may have something to do with the Steve McQueen film, but he is not certain. He then casually mentions that the original captain is no longer welcome, having been overthrown in what he describes as a violent coup. I ask if this is the Cincinnati CC version of the Arab Spring, he informs me it was worse, and at that point I decide not to ask any further questions in case I am mistaken for a journalist and taken for ransom.

Amid all this, another batter obligingly finds Qammar at mid off, and Yates has four. He cannot quite add to it despite a few chances, but it is a brilliant spell that gives us a real foothold in the game.

Unfortunately, once he finishes, that foothold begins to slip. Despite tidy spells from Prithu and Harry D, with Prithu picking up a wicket as one is guided neatly to Leo Towers, the runs begin to accumulate. They eventually post 226, a total that feels chaseable but tricky on a pitch doing a bit. A quick mention as well for Rob Mead, who keeps superbly despite the chaos unfolding in front of him.

The oppos book is a mess, nothing adds up, they have used ‘w’s for wickets and some of the wides, however if there was a team who could fix it it would be a team where 27% are members of the stats team.

At tea, one question keeps coming up, this might be the worst tail in Plough history, Yates, Chad and myself have a combined average of 9.4, which is not ideal. Still, we convince ourselves it should not matter, with Towers and Gray opening, both having already posted big scores this season.

Naturally, this confidence is immediately punished. After a solid first over, their skipper brings himself on, bowling leg spin that goes miles into the air and somehow also removes both openers.

Rob Mead and Prithu come together and look like they might settle things down, but it does not last, Rob is bowled, and suddenly I am wondering if I will actually have to pad up. Bob, Harry and Winter all follow, and we are 95 for 6.

It does not improve much from there. We briefly meet Cincinnati’s sixth bowler, who lasts just one over before being hooked by Bob for a questionable action, which is slightly disappointing as it looked like there might have been runs there.

By this point, Prithu, still at the crease, decides to channel his inner Jason Puncheon and disappears briefly to use the facilities. He returns, presumably lighter for quick singles, and immediately launches one for six, bringing up his first Plough fifty. It is a very strong innings, punishing anything loose and leaving the good balls well alone. Sadly, he decides very quickly afterwards that the man at cow corner needed catching practice (as did Leo Towers earlier).

I decide batting is not for me in my second ball and a terrible full toss takes out my leg stump as I move across too much, I wonder where he got that idea… Qammar is caught at long off 5 balls later ( having told me as i came in, “No stupid shots lets just get through a few overs and then start going for it”).

So it's 124-9 and I think their fielders are already booking their Ubers home, however this is Dave Yates’ game and nothing will stop that. He pillages some subpar bowling to get up to 28 and you can tell he’s getting into it, we wondered if we could be in for another jug at PWCs expense. Sadly, that's where the heroic display has to end and we lose the game.

So that was that, they got their revenge but boy did we have fun, loads of big moments and as I am sipping a beer that is very quickly getting warm and discussing the guillotine's role in social mobility, Henry the VIII’s wives and a career day for a great servant of the club , I can’t see how today is a loss.

Match report from Harry Wright