We had the pleasure of playing at the DSG… except it was technically an away game. Yep, Dulwich 7ths had booked the pitch. But when we showed up, they’d already put out the boundary ropes and used Ploughman stumps. That’s 1-0 to us, declared AJ. We hadn’t even done the warm-up stretches (which, to be fair, mostly involve opening bags of crisps) and we were already winning.

We won the toss and chose to bat first. 2-0. We were on a roll.

Out strode Umar and Leon – a partnership forged in fire and bound by legend. This wasn’t just any game for Leon; this was his 350th for the Plough. That’s right, 350 games. Most men only hit 350 when counting Tinder swipes. But not Leon. To us, he’s part cricketer, part folklore. They say the grass grows greener when he walks to the crease. Some even claim birds chirp Jerusalem when he takes guard.

Naturally, Leon started with a four. Not a nudge, not a dab – a full-blown cannonball to the boundary. You could almost hear Winston Churchill’s voice in the background, “We shall hit them on the offside, we shall hit them on the leg…” The opening bowlers charged in, but Umar and Leon were having none of it. A partnership of 70 was clocked up before Umar got bowled by what he instantly labelled as the ball of the day. To be fair, the ball did move… mainly because the wind picked up. But we’ll allow it.

Enter Max, fresh from his latest cameo in "Fast & Furious: Runs Galore." Together with Leon, they put on a masterclass, peppering the boundaries like they were playing darts. Dulwich had kindly brought the ropes in about 20 metres – not sure if it was strategy or a practical joke, but Max and Leon weren’t complaining. The partnership rocketed past 150, with Leon smashing his way to a faultless century. He raised his bat, saluted the troops, and marched off like a war hero returning from battle. Some say he even whispered, “Tell my story…” as he walked back to the pavilion.

Next up, Harry Edmonds at 4, with the score at 260-1. At this point, the scorer asked if we could pause while he changed pens. Harry’s first shot? A six. He went on to blast 50 off 17 balls, playing shots that should come with an age restriction. Plough finished on 357. Yes, 357. That’s a club record and probably violates some local council noise regulations.

At the halfway mark, AJ’s team talk was brief and revolutionary: “I’ve got samosas in my bag for after the game.” Inspiring stuff. Honestly, I think someone cried.

Jay Patel and Qammar opened the bowling. And let me tell you, they didn’t just bowl – they unleashed fury. Jay was clocking speeds that made the speed gun blush. Every ball came down with the sort of aggression normally reserved for Black Friday sales. At the other end, Qammar was steaming in, long hair flowing in the wind like a Bollywood hero sprinting in slow motion. The ball whistled past the batsman’s ears with the kind of zip that made everyone consider wearing helmets… even those watching. Dulwich found themselves 20-3 in record time, and Jay and Qammar were basically high-fiving between deliveries.

Time for spin. In comes Rahul and Ean. Now, I don’t want to exaggerate, but Rahul’s entrance to the crease felt like a scene out of a Bollywood movie. I half expected him to pull out a microphone and start singing as the fielders joined in for a perfectly choreographed dance routine. His first over was tighter than his shirt on club night – dot balls stacked up like unpaid bar tabs.

Rahul got the opposition captain clean bowled, and Yanni immediately launched into a celebration that looked like a cross between the Macarena and a victory lap at Silverstone. The captain wandered off, and I swear I saw him stop and applaud Rahul. Might’ve been dust in my eye, but it happened.

At 70-6, Dulwich’s chase didn’t really get moving like our Chairman Simon Carson after a few drinks. Time for some magic. Eleanor came on and bowled a delivery that would’ve made Gandalf proud. It started outside leg, whispered “goodbye” as it drifted, and clipped middle. Even the batter looked back like, Did that just happen?

Not to be outdone, Rahul continued his Bollywood heroics. He sniffed out a five-fer with the dramatic flair of Shah Rukh Khan in the final scene of Chak De! India. Two more wickets fell to him, and the celebration could’ve easily been the climax of a 3-hour movie. The team embraced him, and I’m pretty sure someone threw rose petals.

We won by about 250 runs. I say about because the scorer had stopped writing numbers and just started drawing smiley faces. It was a proper Ploughing – the kind of day you tell your grandkids about while they roll their eyes and pray for bedtime.

Huge thanks to everyone for an epic day out. Especially for AJ, his only contribution was bringing samosas to the game

Plough ON
AJ